Wednesday, February 02, 2005

A gamble I took and should not lose!

This is one post i wouldn't let my children read. At least, not for the moment. So, if there's any student of mine who knows any of my children, please don't divulge the information I am about to reveal. Now, that's a very simple request, right? I hope you take heed. Thanks.

I have blogged about my decision to quit smoking. It's part of this entry. So, I've been doing some counting and realize I had been smoke free for more than two months now. Quitting is no easy task especially during Christmas when i met for the first time my idol bloggers Sassy, Jet and BongK, who smoke. I could feel every puff they made and was almost tempted to ask for a stick from Bong. Good thing was that Batjay was also there. He had quit eight months ago after an appendectomy. I was thinking, if he can do it, so can I.

Anyway, there's a reason why I had to quit. During one of my trips to my diabetologist/endocrinologist, he suggested I have my thyroid checked by ultra sound. I did. The test yielded that I have several lumps on my thyroid glands again. I have already been operated on for tumors which, fortunately, proved to be benign after the biopsy. So, thinking that I might only aggravate further the lumps on my throat, I decided to quit.

Now comes to the picture my third child, Kim. From among my children, she is the one who is super "lambing" to me. However, like any other teen-ager, she tends to be laxed with her studies. Sure, she's had her glory in some school contests like this one. But generally, she wouldn't even touch her books on a weekend. Naturally, she was getting poor grades in important subjects like Math, and Science.

She had been pestering me about my smoking. She would even tell me it seemed like I didn't love them for I didn't care for my health. (medyo articulate talaga yun e. Maarte na, makulit pa.) Then an idea hit me. One time we were together, I told her I was going to quit smoking if she would be serious with her studies. I asked her to calculate how much grade she has to earn for the third ter so that she could get a really good grade. Afer some calculations, she came up with 90! So, we entered a deal. If she gives me a 90 on practically all her subjects on the final term, then I am definitely going to quit. (Of course by this time, I have already quit for about a week). Now comes the hard part. I realized this ploy might have some adverse effect. First, what if she failed to deliver and I failed in my resolve? What would be the effect of that on her? Will she blame herself for my weakness? Certainly, that would not be fair. If, on the other hand, she pushes through and I didn't? What will that become of me? Her image of me might crumble and she may lose her respect for me. Lastly, what if she didn't push through? Will i have to smoke again to prove a point? These are the questions I have to find an answer to. I definitely regret having made that pact with Kim but since I already did, I know I have to turn this into a win-win situation. sigh!!!

22 comments:

Sassy Lawyer said...

Di na ako magco-comment sa entry mo at di pa ko handa to quit smoking. Ang gusto ko sabihin, eh... "Welcome to Google Adsense!"

:)

BatJay said...

maganda ang kalalabasan niyan tito rolly between you and your daughter. tingnan mo. everything will come out ok in the end. ang importante, huminto ka na.

at may adsense na ang tito. taray! hehehe.

santi said...

Tito Rolly,
Halos pareho pala tayo ng istorya. Yung pangalawang anak ko na babae ganyan din ang lambing. Yun nga lang yung nanay nya ang laging nadadale. Pag may gusto kasi hinahamon niya ang nanay niya ng pustahan gaya ng kung makaperfect siya sa exam, etc. Lagi namang talo ang ina. Sa magkakapatid naman yung panganay (lalaki) ko ang may problema sa pag-aaral. Nagkasakit kasi nung maliit, parang nasobrahan sa gamot kaya medyo mahina ang pick-up. Lately my wife said maganda ang improvement sa pag-aaral which made me very happy.

Sa kaso mo, I hope na maging maganda pareho ang maging resulta on both of you. Win or lose yung pinagpustahan nyo ay walang limitations, kung pareho kayong sucessful it has to be maintained, kung di man both should still try your/her best to achieve it.

Matapoor said...

kaya nyong dalawa yan!

Anonymous said...

go for it Curly! Positive Vibes!!!!

joan

Dr. Emer said...

WHATEVER the motivation, Tito Rolly, you have made one of the wisest, if not the wisest decision in your life. Trust me. You cannot go wrong on this one. Read my Jan 29 post to further enforce the wisdom of your decision.

As for your daughter, there are now studies saying that WOMEN are harmed more than men when exposed to smoking and that passive smoke gives them nothing but lung cancer.

The recent news in the US that employees get fired if they wouldn't quit smoking is a good idea I wish can be implemented here, too. Sassy and I may have contrasting opinions on smoking, but the facts do not lie, and I was one of the happiest when you and BatJay quit smoking.

TinTin said...

(aka pinayhekmi)

I have a great idea. I really believe that we should always be honest with children and not underestimate their power to understand. I think you should bring up the pact you made again with her and bring up your concerns that you just mentioned in this entry.

Now, you can modify your pact to say that you will be her study buddy and she will be your smoke-free mentor or something like that. You promise to be available for her for her study questions, and to check that she is doing her necessary studying, homework, assignments, etc. In turn, you promise to report to her say every week about your progress and be truthful when you got tempations and how you overcame them.

Is that too annoyingly optimistic and Brady-Bunch like?

Anyway, my husband quit cold turkey 5 years ago. You can do it!

ting-aling said...

I should ask my husband how he did it. Before he met me, he was smoking quite a few sticks a day. He said that he quit as soon as he laid eyes on me. Could it be my looks (tinging makahulugan).

As for Kim, you know Tito Rolly, my son is not academically motivated but more streetsmart than my daughter who is excelling in school. Should I be worried? I was like my son when I was in high school. I learned the hard way, but hey, I'm alright...the genes are there..(hehe).

As for your pact, ah, you have to make good with your promise. It is important to honor your word, first because you're her dad and 2nd, you're a teacher (rub it in). But be flexible naman..bend a little..after all, life is a learning process..

transience said...

i applaud your zeal. we should all be so lucky if we stuck to our guns. and i'm not talking about the bulldog .44 special.

rolly said...

My wife is very shy and will not comment in this forum. She'd rather say it to me or in this case, email me. You see, she had been nagging me about my smoking for the longest time but hard headed as I am, I would not want anybody nagging me about my habits. If I am going to do something about a habit of mine, it's because I wanted to. Anwyay, I was touched by her email this morning and am keeping it here. here goes:

My dear Papa,

I have read your latest blog, (naiyak ako) ewan ko kung paano ako mag-re-react, hindi dahil sa arrangement ninyo ni Kim kundi kung ano talaga ang findings sa mga medical check up mo. Hindi mo naman kasi sinasabi sa akin. Sa Blog mo rin ko kasi nalaman na nag quit ka na sa smoking mo, HEAVEN & EARTH ang pasasalamat ko, at last nag quit ka rin, in fact hindi ko pa alam noon kung sino ang good samaritan na nagsabi sa iyo at sumunod ka, inggit kasi ako sa kanya dahil sumunod ka sa sinabi niya, kasi ako parati akong masama ang loob sa iyo ng kasasaway na mag quit ka na sa smoking mo, in fact, hindi mo lang talaga alam eh lahat ng anak mo eh galit sa iyo everytime na nag smoke ka lalo na sa kotse. Anyway, tapos na lahat yun, ang importante ngayon eh nandyan ka na at full support kaming lahat sa iyo, with my prayers, i hope everything will go right.

About Kim, i know you can handle the situation, kilala mo ang mga anak mo, at alam mo kung gaano kalaki ang respect nila sa iyo, bawat sabihin mo eh maiintindihan nila yun, i will try to help in my own little way, oks ba yun?

Love you so much (alam mo yun) at alam mo rin na kahit super kulit ako eh ako lang ang unang taong masasaktan para sa iyo,

Minsan date naman tayo, (pag may pera )

love you,

mama

Now, wouldn't your heart melt with something like that? That's why in spite of the kakulitan and late mornings, I love that woman very much. Can you blame me?

Luchie said...

this a great read really. I am very touched by all these things in your own family. and the sum total is that there is GREAT Love in all of you. What a real family you got. I like your wife.

rolly said...

Sassy if you recall I never asked you, jet or Bong or anybody to quit smoking. I know it will be for naught. i know that much. Nobody can tell me what to do either. not even a doctor or articles about the effects of smoking. Anybody who believes he/she has the power to make a person stop smoking or drinking is not living in reality.

Anwyay, hindi pa rin ako out of the woods. It's been only two months.

BAtjay Sana nga. Mahirap when the outcome rests on two different people e. One does not have complete control kaya mahirap. Samahan na lang ng dasal.

Santi Yang pag-aaral, parang paghinto ng paninigarilyo yan. Yun lang tao mismo makaka alam kung gagawin nya o hindi. So far naman, maganda pa rin ang kinahihinatnan naming mag-ama. Pasado si Kim sa huling test nya sa Science at masipag nang umatend ng remedial. Thanks for your encouraging words.

Matapoor Sana nga. Musta ka na?

jonix!!! ?comment ca va? Parlez vous francais na ba? I suppose fluent ka na. Tagal mo nanahimik sa blog world.

Doc Emer Jan ako bilib sayo. neither do you force other people to believe you nor threaten them with tales of destruction. Only positive comments coming from you.

MAhirap sigurong i-implement yung sinasabi mo. Kahit ano pa sabihin, a man should have the freedom to do as he pleases...provided that he/she doesn't cause harm to other people. Parang may violation din yata ng human rights if you fire out someone just because he/she does not want to quit smoking. Ano ba ang main argument why it should be banned? Because of health reasons? E bakit ang pagkain ng taba sa loob ng opisina hindi ipinagbabawal?

TinTin Hmmm you have something there. i just might try that out. I have always been truthful to my children naman. They have seen the best and the worst of me. I believe I am very transparent. But still I ahve to weigh this very carefully. As I said, it might backfire.

Tingaling If your husband was smoking a few sticks, I did two packs a day when I was in college. I trimmed it down to ten sticks before I quit. incidentally, I have quit before. I managed to be smoke free for about 6 years.

i'd rather that my children become street smart than pure academicians lang. Usually the latter end up to be too idealistic and less sociable. Pero siyempre, ideal if they are both.

transience If only I have half the zeal you think I have. i am but human and have my own frailties, too. i don't want to be known as Mr. goodytwoshoes and then my image crumbles right in front of you at the least misdemeanor that I do. I also have my moments of indiscretion.

luchie_g Cliche as it may sound, we may be poor but we make sure love abounds in our family. That has always been my dream. To live a simple but happy life.

I like my wife also. hehehe Thanks.

Major Tom said...

Quiting smoking seems to be the hardest thing to do. My only gladness is that at this point, i am down to six sticks a day from a high of one pack of menthol cigarrettes each day. Doc Emer introduced me to Ivan Noble and i just got scared when Mr. Noble was thinking to himself "why do these things happen. I just could not believe it."

I was once in ahospital some many years ago and by some circumstances i found myself talking to a patient suffering from end-stage lung cancer. He said to me that "and sakit ng katawan ko" and that if he could turn back time, he would not smoke anymore. Despite of that scene, i still smoke, until now. Hope, we all could quit and at times we wish the governmment would make the tax so high that we could not afford it anymore, and solve the propblem for ourselves.

I just take faith in the Lord that for every sickness I have, He can grant me relief.

celia kusinera said...

I am so touched by your post Tito Rolly. One can really feel the love that abounds in your family. And like luchie, I like your wife, too. Haha!

Tin tin's suggestion is good. I remember watching a TV show that featured a Mom and son where the mom was trying to quit smoking. So what she did is 'assign' the son as like her smoking police. He was allowed to nag, lecture, and tell her off if she tries to smoke. It not only made her quit but improved their relationship because it gave the son somekind of control over something in their family instead of being the one constantly told off or nagged by the mom over the usual things. Have a think about that.

ruth said...

good luck, tito rolly! think of the bigger picture. you're not only doing this for kim, but for yourself, too, and perhaps, para na rin dun sa 2 boys mo. if you set an example, maybe they'd steer away from the nicotine rush as well...

Yaps "The Yaps" Estagle said...

honest notes from me:

i have been smoke-free for almost a month. i do know lots of students who smoke whom I am also dissapointed at. it is one hard thing to do and i was only smoking sparingly for two months!

rest assured, hindi ko ito ipagsasabi sa mga anak mo na malalapit kong kaibigan... push on, don't give up. all we do will unravel in the end...

rolly said...

Daily Prophet Only you and your will power can make yourself quit. Not anybody else.

Celia Yeah, I think TinTin has something there. Kami namang mag-aama e parang magbabarkada lang kadalasan. Syempre, I let them know when say, talking back to me can be tolerated. They should know that i'm still the father and what i say is for their own good.

Paruparong bukid Oo nga. More than anybody else, para sakin din to. Of course i didn't see it that way during the time I was still smoking.

Yaps I would suggest you quit now! Smoking does not do anything to you except cause harm. It's not true that you look cool with a cigarette butt on your mouth. Be wise, quit!

transience said...

misdemeanor or not, you are still very brave. and you are appreciated for it, too. that letter from your wife touched my heart.

rolly said...

Transience Actually, I don't consider myself brave. I don't know how to tell Kim I cheated. haha
yes, that's why i love my wife. You may not believe it but she has a pure heart. She'll never pull a stunt like the one i just did. Thanks for the vote of confidence anyway. Appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

kuya RO!

kakatuwa ka talagang tatay! ikaw na rin naman ang nagsabi na parenting is a kind of hit-or-miss experience in one of your entries...

what if you fail and she does as well? k lang yon-just tell her that at least both of you tried for the benefit of each other (sabay, hug her with your loving daddy bear's hug!)

should you smoke again if kim fails...just to prove a point? NOT AT ALL! you could always tell her that you still chose to drop that habit for your health. for all you know, kim took the gamble NOT really to prove that she can get a 90 in the card BUT TO SHOW YOU THAT SHE"S DEAD CONCERNED WITH HER DAD"S HEALTH!

cge. re-match this thursday, don't forget. gamot din ang tennis sa diabetis. feeling ko lang, kasi yung kapit-bahay namin,e, namatay sa diabetis dahil hindi nagte-tennis! HA!HA!HA!

ATE WI

Stan said...

Rolly, I would give a lot to have a daughter, so I could make that kind of a deal with her. Sadly, I don't.

rolly said...

Ate Wi finally, you found out how to post a comment! now, learn how to create your own blog.

Don't forget our rematch on this Thursday. We have to win against those guys. hehe

Stan What can I say? Some of us are blessed in one way or another. I am not a rich man but I have four wonderful children who get along well together. Well, almost all of the time... hahaha Raising 4 teen-agers is very challenging, i tell you.