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Sunday, March 19, 2006

Let's talk about relationships

Now that I am in my middle years (I believe I will reach the ripe old age of 80), I think I can talk about friendship and relationship like a pro. Of course, I've "been there, done that" during my years here on earth. Believe me when I say that you cannot live a happy life without friends. These are the people who you can count on when you need companionship. The people you can turn to when you are lonely, the people who will help you when you are in trouble and in need. They are more like brothers and sisters to you.

How does one make friends? I think this was addressed by the fox in the Little Prince. He told the prince how to befriend someone. He told him to meet him every three o'clock without fail and soon enough, the fox would miss him once he fails to show up.

During my growing up years, I have had more female friends who were really close to me than I had male friends. Of course, neither am I gay, nor were they love interests of mine. They were all platonic. I knew back then if the woman would be a friend or a girlfriend. I don't think there was a time when I have interchanged the two.

The reason for this is because I enjoy the company of women more than I enjoy the company of men. When I am with men, there is this competitive thing I have to overcome. And almost always, I end up in trouble. Play rough games, win! Basketball? My team had to win! Swimming, I have to swim faster! Drink alcohol? I have to make sure to see them all on the ground bathe in their own retch. (Well, that can be an exaggeration but I never went home more drunk than the next guy. I know how to carry my booze) Lastly, there had been a number of occasions when I got into a brawl with my male friends. I can't forget that time when I celebrated my 16th birthday in San Miguel, Bulacan when me and my friends got into a fight with unknown older guys who were as drunk as we were on the street. My guitar which was given to me by my brother, who bought it in Spain, landed on somebody's head. Or was it at another time? I was drunk, remember? All I remember was that I woke up with a very heavy headache than was normal when nursing a hangover and when I looked at my face in the mirror, my head was swollen. I learned later that they took me to the hospital as I was unconscious for a long time. This is the reason why I drink very seldomly and only with people I am comfortable with.

Anyway, the reasons why I'd rather go out on gimmicks with women are: they smell nicer, more pleasant to look at and the conversation has always been interesting. In short, it is easier for me to feel at ease with women than with men. Maybe that is because I have more sisters and only one brother. Besides, I practically grew up alone. Being the youngest of five siblings, I was born when my youngest sister was already 13 years old. I have always longed for a younger sister.

I feel lonely right now that most of my friends in school, the friends with whom I have shared my joy and my angst with work have either gone abroad or has resigned. My bestfriend in college had died of cancer, and one of my closest friends is fighting for her life with the same disease. Worse, not only are the new batch of teachers coming in are much younger than I am, they see me as an administrator rather than as a friend. Now I know that the saying "it is lonely at the top" is true. And I am not even at the top! At best, my position is what we call "primus inter pares" or first among equals. Mot really top of the line, is it? Nothing to brag about. At any rate, I have this feeling that I am intruding everytime I try to join them during their light moments. I try reaching out but sometimes I feel estranged.

This is the reason why I value my blogging friends. They are always there no matter what time of day and that is not an exaggeration. Wake up in the wee hours of the morning and there will be someone online. We all come from different parts of the globe, you see. All i have to do is turn on the computer, go to my gmail account and somebody is sure to be there. I am talking about my friends in Blogkadahan. We are celebrating our first year anniversary this month and to celebrate it, we decided we would talk about poverty. Check it out! The posts are very interesting. If you care to look at mine, here check this out.

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19 Comments:

Anonymous bayi said...

Apart from my family, my friends are the highlights of my life. I have been fortunate to make many excellent friends in my life, including those on the net. And that includes you, Tito Rolly! It's been my privilege to know you. You are a real people person.

8:41 PM  
Blogger rolly said...

Bayi The pleasure is all mine.

11:42 AM  
Blogger TinTin said...

A told a friend recently, "yes, i went to a slumber party.." He interrupted..."You mean, you have friend...like, people you can touch?"

LOL!!! He thought all my friends are virtual! I value my blogging friends quite a lot like you do.

9:57 PM  
Blogger rolly said...

tintin Well, your friend will be surprised to know that even your virtual friends can be touched, too. Tell him about our wonderful dinner here in Manila. haha

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't wait for the Blogkadahan Grand EB. Glad to know you enjoy the women more pala (in true fashion) Di bale, magpapalda na lang daw si Batjay :P - Ajay

11:44 PM  
Blogger rolly said...

Ajay Oh yes, the grand EB! Can't wait myself.

8:30 PM  
Blogger rolly said...

Ajay Oh yes, the grand EB! Can't wait myself.

8:31 PM  
Blogger auee said...

You've articulated what i've been "struggling" with since coming to London. During college, I saw the net as trivial fun. In Pinas when I started working I treated with disdain. Now that I'm an immigrant, I see the net as my PLDT -- keeping me in touch with home.

9:09 PM  
Blogger kojak said...

Women are something else, ya know. Hard to figure out what they want and don't want. If you're having trouble with women, I've posted an article "Pointers for the Dunces" going through some DOs and DON'Ts. Check it out, you may learn something. The pleasure of being in the presence of a good woman is admirable.

12:49 AM  
Blogger rolly said...

auee I can just imagine the emptiness during your first years there. Ako din, I use the internet as my best buddy. Better stop before somebody shouts "Get a life, will you?" hahaha

lebatron went to your sight and read it. WEll, I think there is something you missed with my post. It's not that kind of relationship I was talking about. I am no longer with that kind of scene. Been married for 21 years. While I was not actually a player, I was not really a dunce in that sort of game. But thanks for coming and commenting on my blog.

11:58 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

great post! i especially got a kick when you said you prefer to hang out w/ female friends b/c "they smell nicer" haha! so true! i, on the other hand, had many more close male friends throughout childhood and high school. only in the past 8 years did i have form really close bonds with my female friends!
and kudos to "virtual" friendships! have a great wknd!

7:21 AM  
Blogger rolly said...

Kat Yes, I do enjoy the company of women even until today. Its more relaxing for me. But now that I am older, I have just as many male friends. We don't get into fights anymore anyway. hahaha

8:26 AM  
Blogger BatJay said...

ako rin bossing mas malapit ako sa mga babae. palagay ko dahil pareho tayong guwapo. hehehehehe.

tama ka, masarap silang amuyin at mas malambot pag hinawakan. wala rin silang mga bigote. ayokong ayoko na humalik sa taong may bigote. tumitindig ang balahibo ko.

importante nga ang mga kaibigan na nakilala on-line. tinatanggap pa rin nila ako kahit ano pa ang hitsura ko.

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Toni said...

Ako naman when I was younger (although young pa naman ako hahaha) I found myself being friends with guys more than girls. I'm not into kikay stuff like most girls are and I was one of the boys then. I didn't like the giggling and the shopping that much.

Syempre nagdalaga na ako so ngayon lang ako nagka-catch-up diyan. Ang mga friends ko ngayon kung di tulad ko na di kikay, bading o lalaki na. Hehehe.

Tito R, you're one of the greatest people I've met online. I'm really grateful to have met you. Do you remember the name tags incident? Hehehe.

You're funny, brilliant and a gentle soul. To be friends with you is a blessing. To be part of Blogkadahan is a real gift.

Cheers to our barkada. While our tambayan is virtual, our ties are genuine.

Mwah!

5:54 PM  
Blogger rolly said...

Batjay tama ka jan. mas malambot sila. I am sometimes a touch person din pero hindi ko basta ginagawa kasi baka ma-misinterpret e masampal pa ko.

Toni What a very nice thing to say to a person. That's one of the best compliments I've heard in a long while. Thank you. Pinabasa ko nga sa asawa ko e para alam nyang I am being appreciated din naman. hahaha

7:19 PM  
Anonymous mickey said...

grabe.. ang hirap nga sigurong mawalan ng mga kaibigan. ngayon mawawalan na rin ako ng mga kaibigan. kailangan kong bumuo ng bago sa college. yun lang mas mahirap ng mag hanap ng kasing tino ng mga kaibigan ko ngayon.

6:10 PM  
Blogger zeero said...

tito rolly,
i have this problem. a big problem. there's this girl i like, i courted her and told her how i really feel towards her. i am sure about what i feel until she asks me why i love her. i was so pissed off at myself why i couldn't answer her though i know i really do love her. how i can prove my love for her, i can answer but the question why, i couldn't. she would also tell me things like: "baka kapatid/kaibigan lang ang turing mo sakin."
the thought of that hurts me more than it would hurt her. i really really love her as she is.
how would i know if what i'm feeling is true? how would i differentiate if this is only brotherly/friendly love? :(
ikaw pa lang po ang lalaking nasabihan ko nito. i want to know from you since i always learn lessons from your stories.
-jp

10:11 AM  
Blogger rolly said...

zeero Ah that is a loaded question. Don't just fall into the trap. haha Women sometimes love to play games like that. I suppose men, too. After all, love is a two-way street.

Anyway, I'm sorry but I don't think I have a foolproof answer. first of all, I am not a player, never was and hopefully, never will be. Second of all, I think I am too old for this kind of game. I don't know how to read younger women anymore. Third, I don't think I am qualified to answer queries of this nature.

But since you asked for it, here are my two-cents worth. to the question "why do you love her?" My answer would be, "Why not? Anybody with a right mind would fall for in love with you." There's a catch though. When you utter these words, hindi pwedeng tunog bola. Baka bigwasan ka lalo nun.
Should she asks you about your intentions, whether just friends or the real thing, throw it back to her. "What would you want it to be? Ako, I am sure what I want but I would respect anything you want us to be. I love you that much." So, the thing is, always throw back to question to her.

Well, that's how I would respond to questions like that. Again, don't forget that I am a lot older than you are and I don't have a complete grasp of what the younger women think. So there...

2:40 PM  
Blogger zeero said...

thanks po, tito rolly! medyo.. err.. ok na po ako ngayon :) kinahapunan kahapon, i tried asking other people in deviantart (dun sa forums nila) and from 2 people i do not know, i learned that, ganun daw pag-in-love. hindi makasagot sa mga tanong? ganon nga po ba? kasi ganon ang nararamdaman ko. and so, i am confident with myself.

Salamat din po ng marami sa help! Hind po kasi ko makapagtanong sa tatay ko, wala po kasi siya sa Pinas. :)

2:51 PM  

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MGA TURO NI TITO:
Twenty years of teaching must sure amount to something. A new friend in cyberspace suggested I ought to have a journal by now. I agree.


Taken by my friend Arlene Lawson in her room at Century Park Sheraton in May, 2000.
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Jack of all trade, master of none. First a disclaimer. My students have discovered this blog and they might think that what I write is gospel truth. Worse is they might find an argument that they think they can use, for some reason or another, against their teachers. So, to set the record straight, it is NOT. As a matter of fact, I write and open it to feedback to get another view in the hope that somebody would tell me if I am wrong and reenforce my thinking if it is right. Not that I will accept anything thrown my way, though. Just so I can think about it some more and decide whether my original stance is right or definitely off tangent. So there. I hope that clarifies everything. Now, on to blogging.


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