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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

On getting old

Getting old never dawned on me until about a year ago. I thought I was still a teenager even if I already have four teen-agers of my own. My body just refuse to believe that the pain on my waist at night, the number of pills I have to take for diabetes, white hair on my balding head, or even the lines on my forehead tell me that I am old. Why should I? I still have friends much younger than I am and I can still do what they can do. I can still relate to their stories and they can with mine. I can still stay with them until the wee hours of the morning, exchanging useless banter over beer or any other beverage there was. Yes, they don't call me by my first name like they do with their peers but that was okay. They call me tito and I didn't mind. I liked the monicker anyway having nieces and nephews who are fond of me anyway. Besides, a lot of people call me that way when I started this blog. Never did it dawn on me that I was old.

But time does not stop for anyone. No matter how slow the hour hand crawls on the clock, it reaches the time for us to go home from work. This is just like our lives but on a grander scale. I realized I do not live in a warp zone where I can stop aging while everybody continue to do so and play catch up. I cannot be happy man without having a true friend. There has to be someone I can talk to without any qualms, share my thoughts, tell naughty stories to and basically, hang out with. In my line of work, especially with the economy on the downtrend, teachers, like nurses, are lured by green bucks. The turn over of workers have been steadily getting higher and higher. As it did with my friends. Some of them have migrated abroad, some had married and resigned. Eventually, all my friends have moved on and I was left behind.

My co-workers keep on getting younger and younger. The gap has never been this far apart. I could not believe that some of them were just born when I started working. To make matters worse, I was again asked to handle an administrative position. That was the icing on the cake. Now, everybody calls me Sir. Friends are hard to come by when there is this huge gap between you and the next person. While the difference in age is already a huge boulder to climb, the position added a wall. Suddenly, the songs I use to sing are ancient. The jokes I used to tell no longer get the same response. Well, there are times when I couldn't get their humor either. The invitations to a lunch out, or hang out at the mall has been practically nil. I am now at the threshold of calling it quits with the institution that nurtured me, simply because I have to accept the fact that I will soon become irrelevant. The tell tale signs are there.

But then, why should I feel this way? I feel this is a very defeatist attitude on my part. MAybe it is because I had been resisting the movement of my clock. Why don't I just let it move and go with its flow and see where it takes me? Maybe if I did that, I would learn to accept that things have changed and I have to adjust just one more time. Maybe, just maybe, I will learn to age with grace. If I learn to do that, then maybe retirement will not be the end but the start of a new era in my life. When that happens, let's see who has gone old!



Anonymous JMom said...

I can totally relate, but then we're about at the same stage/age. It is a new phase in our life and sometimes a bit hard to swallow and for women, I think it's even harder looking in the mirror and not seeing the girl you used to be but your mother staring back at you.

What I do when these thoughts plague me, I try to remember what my mother-in-law once told me about her kids when I complained about how children grow too fast. She said, "I always enjoyed them at ever stage they were at". I think that's what we need to do, enjoy this stage and all it has to offer rather than lamenting what has past.

You think 'apos' would cure this? hehe! They may not be too far off in the future :)

6:49 AM  
Blogger rolly said...

JMom Maybe grandchildren will be a welcome addition but not now. I still haven't gotten over rearing four children. Besides, I don't think they are coming anytime soon. My eldest until now has not had a boyfriend.

8:23 AM  
Blogger marry said...

Blogs are so informative where we get lots of information on any topic. Nice job keep it up!!

Western Civilization Dissertation

3:49 PM  
Anonymous BlogusVox said...

ditto! : )

7:48 PM  
Blogger rolly said...

Blogusvox yipee. I'm not alone. :)

1:54 PM  
Anonymous bertN said...

Mabuti ka pa you are just getting old, pero ako, I'm already there LOL. Believe me, it is not that bad! You'll still chase women but when you catch them, you won't know what to do with them LOL. Just kidding.

11:51 AM  
Blogger rolly said...

bertN I am actually there. And yes, you can try running after women but wouldn't know what to do should there be someone slow enough to run away. Mahirap naman ang chemically induced pill to help out.

12:14 PM  
Anonymous bing said...

it is really hard to let go and accept the fact that we are entering another phase. the tell tale signs are there to remind that sometimes we have to slow down and maybe spend time more to ponder on our achievements and important contributions to society. this way we'll learn to appreciate ourselves more.

growing old in a graceful manner will never be easy, i think.. but at least we have convictions that reminds us about mortality and limitations.

you have FB to share your thoughts, too he he that will help you to feel "in".

6:20 AM  
Blogger rolly said...

Bing What I don't like is being left behind. I always want to be in the thick of things. It's hard to admit that soon that will be the case.

7:50 PM  

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Twenty years of teaching must sure amount to something. A new friend in cyberspace suggested I ought to have a journal by now. I agree.

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